Real Estate Humour + Jokes

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 10 years. When I checked, I found out he'd still be there today if the Governor hadn't pardoned him.

Why do you have your front door leading right into the dining room? So my relatives won't have to waste any time.

The sellers told me their house was near the water. It was in the basement.

How much are they asking for your rent now? Oh, about twice a day.

I have a temporary mortgage. What do you mean temporary? Until they foreclose.

Realtor sign: We have "lots" to be thankful for.

Realtor: First you folks tell me what you can afford, then we'll have a good laugh and go on from there.

There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb. We already have something that destroys people and leaves buildings intact. It's called a mortgage.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.

My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won't pay.

I listed a maintenance free house. In the last 25 years there hasn't been any maintenance.

Did you hear about Robin Hood's house? It has a little John.

My agent was always smiling. I didn't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

Houses today don't have enough closet space. Sure they do. They're just called guest bedrooms.

Trivia: The floors of buildings are called stories because early European builders used to paint picture stories on the sides of their houses. Each floor had a different story.

"A lot of homes have been spoiled by inferior desecrators." - Frank Lloyd Wright.

I bought a two story house. One story before I bought, and another afterwards.

The house is only 5 minutes from shopping... if you've got an airplane.

This country is great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a downpayment, get a 1st and 2nd mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

Home is where the mortgage is.

A housewarming is the final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present

The best part of a real estate bargain is the neighbor.

The house was more covered with mortgages than with paint.

Home: A place when you go there they have to take you in.

Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

A man's home is his castle. That's how it seems when he pays taxes on it.

Housebroke - What you are after buying a house.

Sign next to FSBO - We shoot every third real estate agent and the 2nd one just left.

This house has every new convenience except low payments.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.

They have an all electric home. Everything in it is charged.

My buyers want a new home on the outskirts... of their income, that is.

A Happy Home is a place where each spouse entertains the possibility that the other may be right though neither believes it.

By the time you pay for a home in the suburbs, it isn't in the suburbs any more.

A Modern home is a place where a switch controls everything but the kids, and it has gadgets to do everything except make the payments.

The house has a wall to wall carpet and back to wall payments.

A typical home has a TV set that is adjusted better than the kids.

House Problem: The oven is self-cleaning, but the kids aren't.

Our new house has one down payment and 240 darn payments.

Homesickness is what you feel every month when the mortgage is due.