Low Income Housing for the Elderly

We need more Low Income Housing for the Elderly - and more low income housing in general in Toronto.

The cartoon below is about the crisis for housing for the elderly in the USA, but it works equally well here in Canada.

Many elderly people are also on a fixed income and renting their apartments - and often are found dead only when the landlords realize they missed paying their rent.

Canadian Housing Market Cartoon

Amusing Real Estate Ad

Ahem... Wow. No comment on this one.

Humour - Lousy Real Estate

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied: "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"

The doctor replied: "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee, how did you start the flood?"

Humour - Congratulations on your New Home

A client bought a new home and the broker wanted to send flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the home and the owner read the card; it said: "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying: Congratulations on your new home."

Humour - $1000 for a House

One Sunday afternoon a couple sees an ad in the paper. They can't believe their eyes. There is a house in the paper for $1000 that is in the nicest part of town. We are talking about a Highland Park mansion for $1000. They think this has to be a misprint, but decide to call anyway.

They say to lady who answers we saw your ad, and realize it is a misprint correct. She tells them no it's not & you are actually the first ones to call.

They decide to go look at the house. They race over as fast as they can. They pull up to the most beautiful house on the block.

In front of the house is a fountain that cost at least $30,000. They ring the door bell & the lady answers. She starts showing them the house. They realize this house is over 5000 sq ft and it is obvious that expense was not a problem in building this house. The house had marble imported from Italy & a chandelier imported from France. The landscaping was breath taking & the house had a great pool & a nice tennis court.

The couple said to the lady this is the most beautiful house we have ever seen, what's the catch?

The lady assured the couple there was no catch. The couple wanted the house for $1,000 but was leery of doing the deal. Finally the lady said you seem like a nice couple, so I'll let you know the truth.

She told them this house is completely paid for, and not a penny is owed against it. Well, last week I got a call from my Husband. He informed me he is leaving me for his secretary. He then told me I could have everything we own as long as he could have the proceeds off the sale of the house. I agreed and he asked me if I could sell the house while he & his new girlfriend hung out in the Caribbean.

Humour - Smart Real Estate Broker

A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS.'

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS.'

The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'

Humour - The Real Estate Broker Frog

Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: “Help me, ladies! I am a real estate broker who, through a curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I’ll be returned to my former state!”

One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman said: “Didn’t you hear him? If you kiss him, he’ll turn into a real estate broker!”

The second woman replied: “Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a real estate broker!”

Humour - Real Estate Agent Vs the Devil

The Devil tells a Real Estate Agent, “Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any Real Estate Agent alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest agent that ever lived.”

“Well,” says the Real Estate Agent. “What do I have to do in return?”

The Devil smiles and explains. “Well, of course you have to give me your soul, but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children’s children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”

“Wait a minute,” the Real Estate Agent says cautiously. “What’s the catch?”

Real Estate Humour + Jokes

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 10 years. When I checked, I found out he'd still be there today if the Governor hadn't pardoned him.

Why do you have your front door leading right into the dining room? So my relatives won't have to waste any time.

The sellers told me their house was near the water. It was in the basement.

How much are they asking for your rent now? Oh, about twice a day.

I have a temporary mortgage. What do you mean temporary? Until they foreclose.

Realtor sign: We have "lots" to be thankful for.

Realtor: First you folks tell me what you can afford, then we'll have a good laugh and go on from there.

There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb. We already have something that destroys people and leaves buildings intact. It's called a mortgage.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.

My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won't pay.

I listed a maintenance free house. In the last 25 years there hasn't been any maintenance.

Did you hear about Robin Hood's house? It has a little John.

My agent was always smiling. I didn't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

Houses today don't have enough closet space. Sure they do. They're just called guest bedrooms.

Trivia: The floors of buildings are called stories because early European builders used to paint picture stories on the sides of their houses. Each floor had a different story.

"A lot of homes have been spoiled by inferior desecrators." - Frank Lloyd Wright.

I bought a two story house. One story before I bought, and another afterwards.

The house is only 5 minutes from shopping... if you've got an airplane.

This country is great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a downpayment, get a 1st and 2nd mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

Home is where the mortgage is.

A housewarming is the final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present

The best part of a real estate bargain is the neighbor.

The house was more covered with mortgages than with paint.

Home: A place when you go there they have to take you in.

Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

A man's home is his castle. That's how it seems when he pays taxes on it.

Housebroke - What you are after buying a house.

Sign next to FSBO - We shoot every third real estate agent and the 2nd one just left.

This house has every new convenience except low payments.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.

They have an all electric home. Everything in it is charged.

My buyers want a new home on the outskirts... of their income, that is.

A Happy Home is a place where each spouse entertains the possibility that the other may be right though neither believes it.

By the time you pay for a home in the suburbs, it isn't in the suburbs any more.

A Modern home is a place where a switch controls everything but the kids, and it has gadgets to do everything except make the payments.

The house has a wall to wall carpet and back to wall payments.

A typical home has a TV set that is adjusted better than the kids.

House Problem: The oven is self-cleaning, but the kids aren't.

Our new house has one down payment and 240 darn payments.

Homesickness is what you feel every month when the mortgage is due.

Best Friends

The following is rather morbid, but I like dark humour:

"Friends help you move.

Best friends help you move bodies."